Mom Decides She Doesn’t Want To Be a Mom So Much Anymore
Recently I read this Huffington Post article about Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, an author who traveled to Japan for 6 months and while she was there working, decided she really didn’t want to be a mom. So she left her family. Now she shares joint custody with her ex and admits, “Their father is doing what I would call the heavy lifting…I’m able to provide them something different.” Wow.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. It’s just shocking on so many levels. Interested in what you think.
Like many of the HuffPo commenters on this article, I think the truth can be found in the term “emotional abandonment”. When you decide to have children, you are acknowledging that you’ve made a commitment to nurturing them, regardless of the possible road bumps that may be in the future (i.e. divorce, children with physical or developmental issues, etc). This woman basically abandoned her family; for those kids, it really doesn’t matter if she had well-meaning (albeit selfish) intentions. All they know is that Mom isn’t coming home anymore. I can’t imagine any kid being OK with that. The fact that she lives down the street and is marginally involved with their day-to-day lives doesn’t make up for the fact that she chose to walk away from them to “find herself”. Being emotionally available for your children is the most basic cornerstone of parenting, in my opinion; based on that, I think she’s a miserable failure. My other thought is why did it take 3 pregnancies for her to realize being a mother wasn’t her “thing”? Maybe she can involve herself more by paying for the therapy her kids will likely want as they struggle to understand her strange choices.
I read this article as well and it really got me thinking. Is she incredibly selfish or self less? What I mean is, she knows she wasn’t cut out for every day motherhood so instead of doing a half hearted job possibly being a terrible parent she opted to give her children a stable life with the better equipped parent. She said she feels like she is a better parent because she enjoys and cherishes the time she has with her children. On the other hand, isn’t part of being a parent guiding and nurturing your children even when you would rather be lying on beach somewhere with a cocktail and a good book? I personally could not do what she is doing. The daily ins and outs of motherhood are what get me out of bed and moving. I don’t always love it, but I am always thankful for the daily added enrichment my children give me.
Didn’t read the article, but while I could never have done that, I’ve known more than a few men who did it, whether they divorced or just traveled all the time. The mom does the “heavy lifting” and the dad provides “something different” and we act like the kids are OK. Maybe hers are OK too.
@Me2,
I liked your post aas well as mk’s, for the record the answer is a)Selfish
maybe the kids of all those men who choose to have the wives do all the heavy lifting and travel all of the time aren’t okay.
Sorry guys who compare dads to moms. There’s a big difference. What I wonder is, what did that abandoning-mom’s mother do when she was a kid. Something happened.
Cynic, you are dead wrong. There is NO difference. I grew up with a mom that was completely unavailable in all counts unless she was terrorizing us with outrageous anger. My father chose to not interfere. He wanted to get along with her so that all his energy could be focused on his growing business. His protection from her violence could have helped us. But it’s too late for one of my siblings. He chose to make a final exit.
In other words, Cynic, dads need to take equal responsibility at all times. If they choose not to, then they need to be prepared for possible tragedy.
The problem with her actions is that no matter what, the kids will blame themselves for the mother leaving. Her decision will leave scars on them that last a lifetime. A mother turning her back to her family is almost beyond comprehension.
I very much agree with mk…it takes THREE kids to realize you just aren’t that into it? Oh, please.
I love how the article misrepresents her quote in an attempt to make her not seem heartless:
“Ultimately, she would make a decision she now regrets: ‘I left my children. It was unacceptable.'”
On camera, she was saying that she had lost friends that felt it was unacceptable. I didn’t see any evidence that she had regret.
They are trying to sell us on the concept that having a distant mother who abandons her children is better than having a present mother who “feels she has lost herself.”
She literally said she didn’t want to give up her life for another human being. Too bad that is exactly what being a mother is all about. It’s about making a contribution to society by creating a worthwhile human being & taking pride and joy in their accomplishments. A mother should not lose herself. She should take joy in sharing herself. Those kids deserved better. Hopefully they found it with their father and stepmom.
Having children should be a more thoughtful decision than adopting a puppy or picking out shoes.
In the UK this type of mother is called a “Bolter.” Both Princess Diana and Sarah Ferguson’s mothers were bolters.